I've had a busy landscaping season so far despite the 25 + inches of rain that we've had year to date (our normal annual rainfall is only about 28 inches!). Due to this being my "busy season" I have not blogged much lately and I appologize for that! With another rainy day upon us I sit in my office preparing to get caught up on my paperwork but with a "bug" in my mind. You see, sometimes there are people who you meet in life who are never happy with who you are or what you do. The main one of those people in my life is my mother, I will never please her to the day I die. Without going into much detail let's just say that I lived a pretty rocky life up until about 31 years old. I grew up in an alcoholic home, endured verbal and emotional abuse, got married at 20 to my "dream man" who turned out to have problems with drugs and alcohol, then was suprised by a divorce request one November evening. Shortly before that my father committed suicide and I had taken legal control over my mother's affairs due to her mental health and therefore incompetence. That's the short story! The past 6 years have been full of growth, rebirth, and learning about who I really am, what I'm capable of and what I strive to be but was so bogged down with darkness before that I didn't even know it existed within me to be happy and at peace with my life and excited for my future. Fast forward to today....I still will never please my mother, I get that. I don't like it but that's why I take care of her needs from a distance and see her minimally. What throws me off however is that now that I'm in a "good" place in my life, there are some people out there who choose to stay stuck in their misery and then get mad at me for being happy. WHAT????? I have gone through enough ruts, wrinkles, depressions, crisis, chaos and years of counseling to know that I do NOT need to appologize for being happy with myself and my life today. Misery loves company and I refuse to buy into people who constantly bitch and moan about how horrible they have it when they take no rational steps to make changes in their lives. Yet they like to make sarcastic comments when I publically say that I'm happy. I don't get it and I chose not to have that negativity as part of my regular life. My mother gets mad because she doesn't see me very much...well, if she was nice to me when she did see me, perhaps I'd choose to come around more often. The period following my father's death, legal action with my mother and my divorce was the lowest point in my life and I worked DARN HARD to turn things around. So YES, I do LOVE my life right now and if I want to shout it from the top of a mountain or put it on a billboard (or post it on Facebook), guess what? I'm going to say it! People....regardless of what your past is, how traumatic, stressful, abusive, whatever, YOU AND ONLY YOU HAVE THE POWER TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE AND LIVE BETTER IN THE FUTURE. Even if you've had a good life already, you have the right to continue to have a good life and be happy about that! If you don't like where you are then change it, but don't wallow in your pitty and victim role and then go out and bash others out there who are doing good and not afraid to say it. Having a big "ego" and being "errogant" is different and I am the furthest thing away from egotistical and arrogant. But being sincerely happy is a wonderful thing and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. So for today I am happy and I will continue to do things to improve my life and my future and I will NOT appologize for that. I have been through the ringer in my life and I deserve to be where I am, if that offends anyone I'm sorry. I am not perfect...that is a very dangerous word...and I will never be and don't want to be. For anyone out there struggling and wondering how your life can change and be better? My advise is to start with your attitude, decide you are going to be happy even if you don't really feel that way right now. If I can pick myself up from where I was only 7 years ago then you can do it too! You DESERVE a better life and you will have one if you put one foot in front of the other and just try everyday. Keep telling yourself you're worth it and with time things will change. Now, I'm off to do my office work and make this a great day!
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